I have to admit that I love suspense, psychological horror, and murder mystery novels. My first favorite "adult" author was John Saul, whom I discovered when I was 12 years old. I say "adult" author because my readings prior to his novels were youngadult or children's novels, including VC Andrews Flowers in the Attic series. I loved novels that would pull me in on the first page. As an adult, I still enjoy John Saul novels. My favorite authors are John Sandford (of Minnesota!), James Patterson (whose movies can't even touch his novels!), Patricia Cornwell, Sandra Brown, and a sampling of others.
Last year a friend turned me on to Beverly Barton. I was leary at first because my friend loves romance novels; I do not. I was pleasantly surprised. The romance wasn't over-done; it wasn't mushy and filled with hyperbole. It was realistic albeit predictable, but the romance wasn't the focus of the storyline, which is what got me hooked into a great suspense novel.
Beverly Barton's novel Silent Killer didn't disappoint. Someone, believe to be chosen by God to enact His will, is violently murdering men of God because they have committed sins. There are many churches of different faiths in this small Alabama town, and everyone knows everyone, typical of small towns. Also typical of small towns, people have secrets... and secrets have a way of getting out. Murder, rape, "bastard" children, and evil deeds are woven throughout the novel with deep friendships, kindred spirits, and great loves. There were a couple of unexpected twists, although to a seasoned suspense reader, I was correct in my guess of the murderer, but the reason behind it was a twist.
What I did not like were the unanswered questions and loose ends left at the end of the book. The author, aware of this, write a letter to the reader stating that the loose ends will be answered in her next novel, Dead by Midnight. Ummm, thanks...?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
book review: The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan
The book club selection for June was The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. I wasn't familiar with Amy Tan's work (she authored The Joy Luck Club), so I didn't have preconceived thoughts about this book.
The book is about a mother/daughter relationship and takes place in the past (mother's childhood and young adulthood in China) and the present (in the US). I have to be honest. I had the hardest time getting through "part one" of this book. The relationship between the mother LuLing and daughter Ruth is not a warm one. Ruth also doesn't have a good realtionship with her live-in boyfriend and his two daughters. The first part of the book is quite depressing, which only means that Amy's talent lies in character development.
LuLing refuses to learn English, although she knows a little, which means that Ruth has been translating for her mother since Ruth was able to speak. This mirrors LuLing's relationship with her own mother, which we learn about in "part two." LuLing was afraid of forgetting the past so she wrote it down for her daughter... all in Chinese. The stack of pages were forgotten for years, lying in the bottom of Ruth's desk drawer.
"Part two" was a much quicker read for me because it was the translation of LuLing's writings. It was about LuLing's childhood in China, her youth and young adulthood in an orphanage, and her life in Peking before coming to the United States. During "part two" both the reader and Ruther gained insight into LuLing. And that's where the real beauty lies. Once you get through the rough stuff of part one, you are rewarded with the remainder of the book.
The book is about a mother/daughter relationship and takes place in the past (mother's childhood and young adulthood in China) and the present (in the US). I have to be honest. I had the hardest time getting through "part one" of this book. The relationship between the mother LuLing and daughter Ruth is not a warm one. Ruth also doesn't have a good realtionship with her live-in boyfriend and his two daughters. The first part of the book is quite depressing, which only means that Amy's talent lies in character development.
LuLing refuses to learn English, although she knows a little, which means that Ruth has been translating for her mother since Ruth was able to speak. This mirrors LuLing's relationship with her own mother, which we learn about in "part two." LuLing was afraid of forgetting the past so she wrote it down for her daughter... all in Chinese. The stack of pages were forgotten for years, lying in the bottom of Ruth's desk drawer.
"Part two" was a much quicker read for me because it was the translation of LuLing's writings. It was about LuLing's childhood in China, her youth and young adulthood in an orphanage, and her life in Peking before coming to the United States. During "part two" both the reader and Ruther gained insight into LuLing. And that's where the real beauty lies. Once you get through the rough stuff of part one, you are rewarded with the remainder of the book.
Finding Myself - The Journey, 2
July 6, 2010
All-or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-nothing thinking, also called black-or-white thinking is something ACA have in common. I have it BIG TIME. I never realized I was a black-or-white thinker until I discovered ACA. It was like the sky opened up and everything became clear--again. Perfectionism and control go hand-in-hand with all-or-nothing thinking. Our options melt away and we become fixated and all-or-nothing thinking takes over our thinking process. We are good or bad, right or wrong, all wonderful or all horrible.
With all-or-nothing thinking we don't stop to think about our actions; we push forward with a sense of fear. We react. All-or-nothing thinking happens internally (thoughts) AND externally (verbally). For me, the majority of my all-or-nothing thinking happens inside of my head. It's the nagging voice that constantly tells me, "you're not good enough." It doesn't matter what "it" is, I'm not good enough. When I receive constructive criticism at work, my thoughts go straight to "I suck; I should be fired." All-or-nothing thinking is absolute. Through ACA I learned that this type of thinking is common in unhealthy homes where opinions or thoughts were attacked by the family with sweeping statements. Knowing this helps, but it doesn't stop the all-or-nothing thinking. It doesn't stop the hypercritical thinking of oneself. It's hard to ask for help.
This all-or-nothing thinking has come up twice for me in the last couple of weeks, in significant ways. The first was when I received notice of a position opening in another organization of which I am familiar and very much respect. It was a position I knew I could do well in, and it paid much more than I'm currently making at my full time job. However, after having been working for the same organization for 15+ years, completing that application was purely terrifying. Why? Because in my head, once I submitted the application, that meant I got the job, had to leave all of my friends, learn new skills, be the new person, make new friends, and basically start my life over. That's an example of all-or-nothing thinking. Application = job. Coupled with this way of thinking, is that of the four jobs I've held in my life, I *did* receive the job after completing the application. Notwithstanding with black-or-white thinking, there is no middle. And if I do not consciously think about things, the all-or-nothing thinking takes over, paralyzing me with fear. Application does not equal job. It might not even equal an interview. And from there alone, the all-or-nothing thinking becomes more difficult to control becuase WHY haven't they called? Why aren't I getting an interview? Why...? I know why... because I am not good enough... it all boils down to that one sentence. The bane of my existence. I am not good enough.
Logically I realize this isn't true. But logic and my feelings do not go hand-in-hand in my world. I know that this way of thinking is dysfunctional. I know I should be a thoughtful actor in my life, as opposed to a reactor. However, the voice in my head, that Negative Nelly is always there, whispering, "you're not good enough, Keri"... "something is wrong with you." I've been told that I'm too critical of myself, but what does that mean? Many ACA live in our heads--a lot, and have since children. The all-or-nothing thoughts are so familiar to us that they seem like facts.
The second all-or-nothing moment came last week during a meeting with my supervisor when I was already at a heightened stress level. Since it's still an "ongoing issue" I will refrain from discussing at this time. But you know what? This time it will have a very different outcome than what he is expecting.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
All-or-nothing thinking, also called black-or-white thinking is something ACA have in common. I have it BIG TIME. I never realized I was a black-or-white thinker until I discovered ACA. It was like the sky opened up and everything became clear--again. Perfectionism and control go hand-in-hand with all-or-nothing thinking. Our options melt away and we become fixated and all-or-nothing thinking takes over our thinking process. We are good or bad, right or wrong, all wonderful or all horrible.
With all-or-nothing thinking we don't stop to think about our actions; we push forward with a sense of fear. We react. All-or-nothing thinking happens internally (thoughts) AND externally (verbally). For me, the majority of my all-or-nothing thinking happens inside of my head. It's the nagging voice that constantly tells me, "you're not good enough." It doesn't matter what "it" is, I'm not good enough. When I receive constructive criticism at work, my thoughts go straight to "I suck; I should be fired." All-or-nothing thinking is absolute. Through ACA I learned that this type of thinking is common in unhealthy homes where opinions or thoughts were attacked by the family with sweeping statements. Knowing this helps, but it doesn't stop the all-or-nothing thinking. It doesn't stop the hypercritical thinking of oneself. It's hard to ask for help.
This all-or-nothing thinking has come up twice for me in the last couple of weeks, in significant ways. The first was when I received notice of a position opening in another organization of which I am familiar and very much respect. It was a position I knew I could do well in, and it paid much more than I'm currently making at my full time job. However, after having been working for the same organization for 15+ years, completing that application was purely terrifying. Why? Because in my head, once I submitted the application, that meant I got the job, had to leave all of my friends, learn new skills, be the new person, make new friends, and basically start my life over. That's an example of all-or-nothing thinking. Application = job. Coupled with this way of thinking, is that of the four jobs I've held in my life, I *did* receive the job after completing the application. Notwithstanding with black-or-white thinking, there is no middle. And if I do not consciously think about things, the all-or-nothing thinking takes over, paralyzing me with fear. Application does not equal job. It might not even equal an interview. And from there alone, the all-or-nothing thinking becomes more difficult to control becuase WHY haven't they called? Why aren't I getting an interview? Why...? I know why... because I am not good enough... it all boils down to that one sentence. The bane of my existence. I am not good enough.
Logically I realize this isn't true. But logic and my feelings do not go hand-in-hand in my world. I know that this way of thinking is dysfunctional. I know I should be a thoughtful actor in my life, as opposed to a reactor. However, the voice in my head, that Negative Nelly is always there, whispering, "you're not good enough, Keri"... "something is wrong with you." I've been told that I'm too critical of myself, but what does that mean? Many ACA live in our heads--a lot, and have since children. The all-or-nothing thoughts are so familiar to us that they seem like facts.
The second all-or-nothing moment came last week during a meeting with my supervisor when I was already at a heightened stress level. Since it's still an "ongoing issue" I will refrain from discussing at this time. But you know what? This time it will have a very different outcome than what he is expecting.
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