The Rules, part 3

Rule #17: Let him take the lead.

This not-quite two-page chapter makes me want to take the book and bash it upside the heads of the authors--if I thought it would do any good. If the pages were made of thin concrete I might consider tracking them down. I feel I must defend myself somehow; explain that I'm not a bra-burning "feminist" of the 1960's, although perhaps if I were of that era, I might have been. This chapter goes against everything inside of me as a woman. It's difficult to discuss the chapter without letting you read it, so let's begin.

"Dating is like slow dancing. The man must take the lead or you fall over your feet. He should be the first to say "I love you," "I miss you," "I've told my parents so much about you. They can't wait to meet you."

"He should be an open book, you should be a mystery. Don't tell him he's the first person you've felt this way about in a long time, or that you never thought you'd fall in love again.

Remember, let him take the lead. He declares love first, just as he picks most of the movies, the restaurants, and the concerts the two of you go to. He might sometimes ask you for you preference, in which case you can tell him."

Really? I read this aloud to a few coworkers one evening and one of the guys said, "Really? I HATE it when I ask a girl what movie she wants to see and she says, 'I don't know; what do YOU want to see?' If I didn't want her opinion, I wouldn't have asked. Why do I always have to decide what we're going to do. I don't want someone who can't think for herself." That about sums it up. I'm so glad they said that if he asks, you can answer. Let me just say that if I was dating a guy and he took me to a country concert without asking my preference, I don't even think I'd stay past the opening band. Nothing against country music, it's just not my thing. But don't worry, the above paragraphs are the least of your worries in this chapter!

"You should meet his parents before he meets yours, unless of course, he picks you up at your parents' house." OK, again, the target audience of this book are what... 14 to 18-year olds? The authors give tips on not letting your parents linger with your date too long, and also remind you that you should be ready to go when he arrives so your parents don't ask him embarrassing questions. Again... 15 year olds??

Furthermore, they add the same rule applies to your friends. "He should introduce you to his friends before you introduce him to yours. You should double date with his married or dating friends before you double with yours."

Here's the kicker. It is seldom that I am at a loss for words, but this time, I don't even know where to begin. Therefore, I will end with their final paragraph of the chapter and let your head explode as well.

"Don't worry. After he proposes, he will eventually meet all of your friends and family. Until then, just follow his lead!"