Rejection

That’s my theme of the week. Last week I put myself out there to someone, and although I didn’t expect a specific response, I received a response that contained a non-response. I won’t go into specifics because I don’t want to call the person out, and I really don’t know what sort of response I expected, but it was definitely not the response I received.

On another note, I was invited out to lunch today, and although I knew one of the people in question wouldn’t fully appreciate me attending, and despite my voicing this concern, I was invited nonetheless. Lunch is lunch, you know? It’s not like a life-commitment. And although I knew these things, I was hurt when I was disinvited to lunch. I understand. Whatever. But it really hurt my feelings. The parties later apologized, even the person who I knew wouldn’t appreciate me at the lunch, but the hurt is still there.

Rejection. I need to change my attitude about rejection. It used to infuriate me when “DJ” would pull a no-show or would cancel at the last minute for our “lunch” dates. After a couple years of dealing with his no-shows, I’ve become less angry and more hurt. And after the previous five months of us never being able to make our schedules work, I’m just plain hurt. I understand work obligations; I understand your personal obligations; I don’t want to be an “obligation” but I would appreciate more effort. Please.

Why do I put myself into situations where I KNOW I will be rejected? In case number one, I’d like to believe it was the timing, but I don’t have an answer. Case number two, despite the person in question telling me it wasn’t because I was “hated” or anything… I don’t fully believe it. And case number three… that stumps me. We are amazing together and we both enjoy one another. Yet I put up with the rejection.

I need to change my thinking about rejection. I deserve more. I. Deserve. More. I am worth more. You cannot treat me like shit. You cannot make me feel like shit. I. Deserve. More. I deserve better. Better than you can offer me.